I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
