What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Boobs speak an international language.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
