3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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