whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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