oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think i have two assholes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
