I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
