So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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