Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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