So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
