dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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