Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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