Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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