Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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