hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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