I love black thongs
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
there is glitter all over my balls
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