my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
