i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Congratulations! We have a period
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