If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
