can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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