Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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