Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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