Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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