I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
