Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
