Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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