i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
