She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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