i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
