I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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