I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
