Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He shit in the fireplace
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
