just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
