Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
