I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
