my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
