I bet he comes in French.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
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so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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