I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
