dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
