I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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