$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
