The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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