I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
