do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
