she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
