whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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