How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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