Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
