Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
