My friends, they love my intelligence
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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