you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
