I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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