How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
