I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
