I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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