Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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