I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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