I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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