nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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