Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
