He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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