walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
