Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
