How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
